Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Randomize
