i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
