thus making me awesome and them whores
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
