Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
