All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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