you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
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Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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