Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize