Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
