he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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