Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
