What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
