Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
