Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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