I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
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I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
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I just blew my weed a kiss
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?