Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.