Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.