we have pet lesbian snakes
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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