I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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