I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
whose ass print is on the piano?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
