So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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