I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
