Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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