ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
