he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
