She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
