I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
