I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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