things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
