just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
did i just pee glitter
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
