and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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