Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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