Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
