im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
