She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
