my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize