I smell stomach acid.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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