So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
