If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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