I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
