I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
