this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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