Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
