so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
