Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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