Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
