Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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