I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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