When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
