I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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