no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
