There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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