i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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