She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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