What a fucking waste of an outfit
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
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Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
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CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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