Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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