Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
