I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
