True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize