I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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