Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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