I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
