Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Are we still banned from the library?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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