he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
