The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize