Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
