if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize